Psalm 77: though your footprints were not seen

I woke up with hard, warm tears grabbing the corners of my sight

To be honest, I cannot say that I slept at all

If I had, it resembled only what I find myself in now; a stupor of worry and suspicion pervading my every thought

Dreams of insecurities, regretful actions, stinging voices and false sentiments

Were I dreaming?

My heart thumped firmly in my chest; unsteady, yet precise in its attitude

Where are You, now?

This had been building. I grew in paranoia with every eye that met mine, every word which begged my address

I'm trying to see in this

Rising from bed, the room a deep, dark, black. I stumbled to my feet and I stretched out my hands

for anything

Those hands, shaking, were my soul

I grasped a table, too short to levy my weight. I reached for the wall, there was nothing to hold

Picture frames downed to the floor. Memories of then stole me away, but not in comfort

Dropped, I stare back into the eyes of the immortalized

It was a long moment, and silent, in which I contemplated

Inquiries injured me

once more

I asked:

Am I rejected

forever?

Will I,

never again,

find favor?

Has love,

once thought unfailing,

vanished

indefinitely?

Is the promise failed

for all time?

Mercy,

is it forgotten?

Did anger

displace

compassion?

Not until now had I heard the pounding,

as though, a powerful knocking at my door

What had changed?

With those hands I pressed the ground. I settled the weight to my feet

and arose, walking to the window pane

My crusty eyelids looked beyond themselves to the storm which raged before me

Slow rumble of thunder and a patter of rain from the clouds.

I felt for the wall, previously the cause of my fall

It led me to the table, which before I found unstable

I lay in bed, now. Outside, the whirl of breeze awakens the creaks of my house

All is calm inside

and I am asleep.